"Today is a good day, little me. Today, we take you home and begin
'Prove Amy Wrong' ".
Amy shifted awkwardly. "Just... Be a good Dad, Frank.."
"How hard could it be? Seriously Amy, I've got the bottle feeding down pat".
"Now you're free to roam the desert in search of a communal,
nudist colony or whatever, and I get the alimony check, its win-win".
"That's it Titus, drink it all up. We can't mess with your
Mother if you're not feeding properly can we?"
Despite his squalid conditions, Frank managed to have
one of his colleagues knick a cot fit for Titus.
*Sniffs* "Oh. My God, Kid. I'm starting to reconsider the whole formula diet."
"But its okay, because you're my ticket to cash city.
Oh, we're going to have SO much fun together".
"Because, you're Daddy's teeny, tiny, little accomplice".
As Frank prepared himself for tonight's big score down at the warehouse,
he began to wonder about whether or not he should take Titus with him.
He definitely did NOT want to ask Amy for any sort of help.
There's NO way she get's to act all smug.
Eh, He'll ask one of the juniors to look after him. After all,
they're would be no way the boss would be keying them in on
tonight's happenings.
"Ugh, just look at that THING".
"God I hope the guys don't see this".
<<<<SOME TIME LATER>>>>
"Aww look at you. You pink, squishy, ugly nooboo".
Luckily for the jaded teen, Frank made it back from the warehouse unscathed,
and upon noticing the pee puddle, quickly relieved him of his duties.
"I mean, what kind of baby-sitter pisses all over the floor anyway?"
Tired after a long night reviewing the merchandise, Frank cracked
open a cold one and sat next to Titus.
He would never admit it. But having a baby around the house was
actually pretty cool.
Especially since Amy occasionally sent over some sweets
for the baby to enjoy.
"Who gives a kid without any teeth lollypops anyway?
Don't you worry baby, Daddy will take care of the nasty sugar-filled treat".
Two years of Frank and Titus passed by in the blink of an eye
Frank had little to no contact with Amy as she had been off
"Finding herself" with a bunch of "hippie freaks" while Frank
ironically had been an almost perfect parent.
Unfortunately for Titus. Frank still couldn't put his career
behind his son, and still went out at all hours of the night,
leaving Titus with the Doug. The teen who peed on
the carpet.
He always made it back though. In three years since
he'd been living in Twinbrook, he had not been
charged with a single felony.
And that was something to be proud of.
"Daddy, will always be there for you son. So
long as you keep raking in the alimony".
"Say, bug"
He taught Titus to talk, walk and potty trained him, all
the while evading arrest.
They had their flare-ups though, especially when Frank
came home smelly and tired from work.
"WHY'D I EVEN HAVE YOU!?"
sometimes he said things he didn't mean,
but what infuriated him the most was Titus's apparent
lack of understanding.
"HOW COULD SUCH A SMALL PERSON MAKE SUCH
A MESS?"
All was going as well as it could of been, and when
Frank got a call about some diamonds that
fell off of a truck, he knew that this was the score
he'd been waiting for.
"Yes man! now that IS good news!".
So how many carat are we talking here?
"Alright, leme just take care of some things, then i'll be right over.
Yep. I'll hire a babysitter."
"Hi Mrs. Marlarky, yeah, just tell Doug, that if he gets over
here quick enough, I WON'T kick his Ass".
So after contracting Doug to watch Titus, Frank
felt pretty confident, and began his pre-work
routine.
A quick bath to rinse the grunge off, and then he was out the
door to seek his fortune.
A fight ensured and gunshots ran out across the night as
some of Frank's less intelligent associates started arguing
over the money.
Sure enough this attracted a squad car and a cop.
And Frank wound up in a cell for the night. Luckily for him,
the boss had the sense to place the loot away from the nest.
Unluckily for the boss, a weapon had been identified with
his prints all over it. The boss was going down for manslaughter.
"That's it Dirtbag, into the car you go".
The officer who caught Frank wasn't exactly smart.
But Frank allowed him to take him downtown anyway.
After all, he would be out the next day with
a quick call to little ol' doug who desperately
wanted in with the crims.
It was going to be a long night. Frank just hoped that Doug
didn't bail on Titus. He'd whoop his ass if that happened.
Phase 2 wouldn't occur if Titus was taken away.
The hours passed by, and Doug impatiently went through
Frank's house, pacing up and down while Titus slept.
"Frank sure is taking a long time getting back from
the office". he mused. "I wonder if it would be
a guaranteed ass-whooping if I left?" Probably
not worth the risk, Doug deduced.
time passed, and Frank was still no-where to be seen.
Doug eventually did bail, but not before making sure he
had a replacement.
As Frank walked back into the house, Philip rose out of the chair,
and left, without a word.
Frank greeted a cooing Titus warmly, "Well hello, little
guy. Daddy's just been in the slammer for a night, and
really wants some sleep, so if you could, I don't know,
not shit your pants, that would be greaaat".
Frank had a change of heart after being separated
from Titus, from that day, he vowed never
to be caught again.
He even managed to plan a semi-acceptable birthday party for him.
"You need to, Caress the slice, entice it, manipulate it into feeling
safe in your warm hands. See my technique, boy?"
Then quickly, grab a bite when it least expects it.
"Like this Daddy?"
OMNOMNOM
"Yes, that's perfect son. Now clean this up".
"But.."
"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA".
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